Why you shouldn't screw around in Potions
by Sexysaxist
Summary: Draco tampers with Hermione's potion and hilarity results. Later Chapters have been pulled for massive editing. will be re-posted later.


Why you shouldn't Screw around In Potions Version 2 

Disclaimer: Lord knows I don't own the characters. I didn't even think them up. But I wouldn't mind leasing Draco for a little while. For those of you reading this for the first time, Enjoy. For those of you finding this for the second time; I have made some small chances, revisions, and hopefully improvements, so I hope you like this better the second time around.

A/NSome of my formating, like putting astriks in is not showingup once the story is uploaded onto FF. My apologies for any confusion created by this technical error.I don't know how to compensate for it.

Potions. Ugh. Professor Snape. Gag. Dealing with Slytherin for 2 hours straight. This inspired a few thumps of the head on the nearest hard surface. Then Mr. Draco-shit-for-brains-Malfoy sauntered into the room and sat down 3 seats away. Hermione was really going to hurl now. He looked over at her and sneered. His gaze lifted to just over her shoulder and that disgusting smile of his blossomed across his face. Well, not really disgusting, Hermione supposed, but every time she saw it, something disgusting usually followed. Today was no exception. Crabbe slammed into her as he walked past, sending the books in her arms flying. Goyle 'tripped' over them and sent a glass of pumpkin juice he wasn't supposed to have, splashing all over her. Professor Snape picked that moment to flap his way into the room and greet the class with his lovely scowl. It wouldn't be a proper Monday if Hermione didn't see Snape scowl by 8:00 am. And of course the splattered pumpkin juice was her fault; after all she was the one wearing it. "Ms Granger I do believe you are aware that food and drinks are strictly prohibited in my class. 20 points from Gryffindor. If this mess isn't cleaned up in 3 minutes it will be another 20 points." Harry and Ron stepped through the door and came to help her. Gryffindor had lost points, class could officially begin now.

"As you will be taking some of your NEWTS soon (gulp!) I think it would be most prudent to learn a memory potion. This potion is very complicated and precise. Errors at any point have catastrophic results so Mr. Longbottom, I will be watching you. Materials and supplies are on the board. Copy the directions and collect your items, but do not begin until I direct you to." Of course there was the requisite shoving match between Harry and some member of the Goon Squad, today it was Crabbe. When the class had returned to their seats, beakers, bottles, and cups full of strange smelly things lined up in front of them, Snape proceeded with his instructions. "You will need exactly 6 inches of your own hair. Gentlemen, pull 2 hairs if 1 is not long enough and place your hairs in the boilweed oil. For those idiots who can't tell what boilweed oil is (he directed a pointed glare at Ron) it is the clear blue vial. All hairs added? Now everyone put on your hair caps, face masks and gloves. Any additional bodily material will cause severe diarrhea. Also be careful not to get anybody else's bodily material in your potion or the result is :Dramatic Drum Roll: insanity. No partners on this exercise. Neville, come here before you kill yourself."

_Insanity hmm?_ Draco's eyes glittered. 10 minutes later Hermione's potion was giving off blue smoke exactly according to the directions. Draco collected up some of his empty dishes and walked towards the sink and cupboards as though cleaning up. As he passed Hermione's cauldron he flicked a booger into her potion. It turned green for 30 seconds before returning to its proper blue color. She missed this as she was turned around whispering directions to Ron, praying Snape wouldn't notice her. There were no disasters this particular class since Snape was babysitting Neville and the Goon squad and Golden trio didn't have any real opportunities to attack each other. No disasters also meant that everyone had to drink their potion after Snape confirmed no one would have incurable diarrhea. It appeared (miracle of miracles) that for once no one screwed up. Snape was particularly pissed that he couldn't use a mistake as an excuse to take points from Gryffindor.

Potions were gagged down (they would last 3 weeks until NEWTS were over) and the class was set to copying down the last 4 months worth of recipes for the remainder of the period. Hermione's potion tasted particularly awful and gave her a skull splitting headache. Draco felt a slight buzzing in his ears and he heard Malfoy, what a jack ass. He almost gave himself whiplash he turned his head so fast. It sounded as though Hermione had whispered in his ear.

"Oh really Granger, like you're any better, filthy mudblood." Draco growled.

Ron nearly launched himself over the table, but Harry caught him back. Hermione glanced up in confusion, and met his glare. She crossed her eyes, sucked her cheeks in to make fish lips, and pulled her ears out to the sides, making the most ridiculous face Draco had ever seen. He barked out a laugh

"That's a real improvement on your looks Granger. You should keep it."

She rolled her eyes, gave him the finger, and bent over her work again. Bloody idiot. he heard her whisper again. He distinctly heard Hermione, but she hadn't said anything. He was looking right at her and anyways she was to far away for him to hear such a soft wisper. Hermione's face relaxed and the barest of smiles twitched at the corner of her lips. Draco finished his work and bolted from the class the second his parchment hit Snape's desk.

6th year Slytherin's had Herbology while Gryffindor had Transfiguration, so Draco didn't see Hermione again until lunch. She walked into the hall as Pansy was simpering something annoying and insignificant to Draco. He heard a soft chuckle and Give him hell Pansy. Draco looked up to see Hermione's gaze slide off him and over to her favorite companions, bozo and nitwit. Draco could practically feel her whispering lips against his ears, but she was at least 15 feet away. How could he hear her? Draco ate his lunch in a hurry to escape Pansy's incessant whimpering for his attention. As he was leaving the Hall, he noticed that Ron received a package. He just passed the terrible trio as Ron pulled out some handed down clothes and potions supplies from his oldest brother Bill. Ron was stocky like Bill, while the twins, Percy and Charlie were lean, so Ron got Bill's clothes, which tended to be nicer since they were only worn once. Draco sniggered at Ron's excitement.

"Got yourself some new rags Weasel. Better take good care of them, you'll need to build your own home someday"

..…Tie him up in the Quidditch goal post naked, aim the bludgers at his nuts, or maybe his ugly mouth…definitely the mouth, dick might be good for something. When he passes out from the pain, send Pansy to screech him awake… The mental image that flooded his mind almost had him passing out in pain. He stared at Hermione. It sounded like she was shouting in his ear, but she hadn't uttered a word. What was going on here? He was chased out of the hall by more whispers of violent punishments, of him staked out and Pansy under a passion spell. He was definitely not getting any sleep tonight. Draco made a point not to taunt the terrible trio during D.A.D.A. He was beginning to form suspicions.

At dinner Draco sat in the middle of the Slytherin table, almost directly across from where Hermione usually sat, so he could watch her and experiment. The whispers started almost the second she walked through the Great Hall doors. Draco isn't in his usual end seat. _Draco? End seat_? 'Hermione notices where I sit!' He was surprised to hear that thought, he didn't think she paid that much attention to him. 5 minutes later when Pansy came in and bounced her way towards him he heard a chuckle. Poor Draco. He looks so constipated every time Pansy speaks to him. (More laughter) How fitting. The moron who won't leave us alone has a moron who won't leave him alone. Lord knows he doesn't appreciate the irony. He looked constipated? Draco looked down at Pansy, batting her eyelashes at him. He felt himself grimace, and softly chuckled. He bet he did look constipated. Tuning into Pansy's nasal whine for a second, he did appreciate the irony of the similarity in their situations. 'At least I'm harder to ignore' he thought, but didn't find much comfort in it.

He heard the next whisper 2 seconds after Goyle arrived, snapping at Pansy and chasing her off. Draco was laughing at her fleeing skirts when he heard oooh yum. He would be breathtaking if he ever genuinely smiled. He looked up to see Hermione toss him a quick glance over her shoulder before turning back to the book in her lap. When he laughs sometimes, I just want to strip him down and get butt wild. Hmm, maybe with a silencing spell so he can't talk. _'Hermione wants to get butt wild! Is that what I think it is?'_ Draco's eyebrows were almost touching his hair line. He had to talk to Snape A.S.A.P. Draco didn't hear anymore whispers during dinner and dashed up to Snape's office right after he saw the professor exit the Hall. He was waiting at the door when Snape came striding up.

"Mr. Malfoy, something bothering you?"

"No sir. I was looking for a book. Potions for the Mind. It's not in the library and Madame Pince suggested I see if you have it."

"I didn't assign any homework that requires that particular book."

"No sir, but Prof. Sprout did." Like hell she did but Draco didn't think Snape would double check his favorite student's story, especially since he made it plausible. Snape reached up to the top shelf of his huge book case and pulled out the book Draco asked for.

"Take this back to the library when you're finished with it"

"Thank you Professor."

Draco retreated back to his dorm room before looking up the potion they made today. He broke into a cold sweat as he read the list of warnings and precautions. Whoever ingested the essence of two people would project their thought of the other person to the other person when ever they were in sight of each other. Several people had gone insane from the constant whispering. Draco felt like he was going to throw up. According to this book, the more Hermione thought of him, the more she would want to. It was like an addiction to thinking of him. Her mental dialog would be buzzing through Draco's brain every time she could see him, which was an awful lot with the many classes they had together. The only way to break the effect of the potion was for her to see him but not think of him for 5 consecutive hours on 5 consecutive days. Their schedules made that damn near impossible. He had to deliberately seek her out.

**Shit. Draco was screwed**

A/N: The rest of this story has been pulled for a MAJOR re-write. I was 19 when I wrote this. I'm 23 now and it just doesn't feel right. I still have the story in my head, and what I had originally written and posted just isn't it anymore. But now I have some incredible help from Heofon, (go check out her fanfic, it's fabulous) so the _real_ story is finally starting to shape up and come together the way I really want it to. I didn't pull it down entirely because I want to keep all my reviews. I have no idea how long it will take to get it finished, so put me on your author alert list, that way you don't have to check ona regular basis to see if I've updated. Thanks a ton for your patience. Hopefully the new version will be a better story, and a better representation of the story I originally concieved.


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